Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Life...

Ok...so no pictures with this post...just some thoughts. I just got done reading my sister-in-law's post...which really she's just more like a sister to me ;) Anyways...she was talking about being overwhelmed...and I think it's cool and interesting that when she happens to write something like that...it's exactly what I need to hear, or am feeling as well.
Being a wife and mother is a hard job. It's so worth it, don't get me wrong, but it's a LOT of work and it's tough. The last few weeks have made me think more and realize the changes that I really need to make in my life, before it's too late. I struggle, and always have, with scripture reading and saying prayers. I don't know why...I can come up with a LOT of excuses, but in the end I think I've come to realize that it's just because I'm not willing to set aside the time. How sad is that...I'm trying to work on it...and make it a habit in my life, but it's still hard. It always seems when times are tough or hard, that it's always easy and the first thing I do...but at other times I don't see the need or something. I don't know. Anyways...with the way this world is going...with my life...with my church callings...with my family...with everything, it's really important. Things are seeming to "fall apart" in a way...and a I don't like it. Ryan & I seem to be fighting more and not getting along. Most of it is me...just being stubborn and rude...and sure I could use the excuse of just having a baby and my hormones being out of whack...but Aysha will be 2 months old on Saturday...so can I really use that?? Life is just hard, and I know Satan is really working on all of us to break us down. I don't want that to happen to me or my family...so I know I need to be the one to step up.
I was just wondering if any of you would be willing to share ways that have worked for you...or what you do to make it a priority in your life...I have a testimony of it...and I know it's important...but I just struggle I guess. So let me know what you think...if you wouldn't mind...because I sure wouldn't mind being happier, more spiritual, and having more faith in my life. I don't think Ryan would complain either...or my kids!! I need to be a better wife and mother!!!
Ok I lied...I just love these guys and couldn't imagine a day without any of them!!!

11 comments:

Mike and Jana Black said...

Ahh the story of my life. It's hard to take care of kids and a husband and yourself. I make sure that I prioritize reading my scriptures. Before I read anything else or watch TV, I read my scriptures. I've found that when I make an effort to do that, the time opens up for me to read them. Also you have to pray. I don't mean kneeling all the time, I mean when you're fixing lunch or taking a shower. I've changed my prayers to a lot of the time being nothing but thanking Heavenly Father for my blessings. Even if I need something, I still only say thank you in my prayers, I think that has helped me the most. Sorry for the long boy comment.

Mindy said...

Having a routine has helped us the most. We don't have it written down, but we know that certain things happen at certain times/time-frames.
For example, we have an early dinner, right after that the kids take their baths. Then we read our scriptures, brush teeth, say prayers, read books, then bed. Mondays, we have FHE when we would read scriptures, and try to read a little at the end. Anything that interferes with our evenings throws the whole routine off so we try hard to keep them free. It works for us...and we still have hard days. Oh, and with prayers, we say them at routine times for the most part--as a family before Chad goes to work, lunch, dinner, with scriptures, bedtime as a family, bedtime as a couple, and then of course me silently all day to for all the help I need to get through it! Hope that helps. I'll tell you that even with all that we do and try to do, sometimes it still is HARD. Part of the problem is that I compare myself to others who I think are perfect and in actuality they are struggling with the same things as I am--I mean, look at your sister in law...I think she's perfect. She sure hides it well, haha! We're all in the same boat.
What an amazingly LONG comment. :)

wendy said...

I relate to so much of what you said. And though I DO think you can still use the "just had a baby" excuse for at LEAST another four or five months (AT LEAST), I'm sure you're right that Satan is working on you. He knows how to get us when we're down and tired. I am not good with my habits yet, either. I have been trying to devote my son's first nap to prayer and scripture study. Some days I do it and some days I am distracted.

Oh, which reminds me . . . when I can't focus enough to get a sincere prayer out, I have sometimes written my prayers in a prayer journal. When my mind wanders, I can refocus on where I left off. I was surprised by how helpful that has been.

Good luck, and thank you for writing this.

Morgan said...

Great post! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and opening up your feelings. You are such an amazing women!

ChasingChase said...

I don't have any good advice. Or maybe I do and I used it all up in my talk on Sunday and can't think of anything else. I just want you to know how admired you are. You are one of my best friends, and I really think you do an amazing job of balancing your life. Just remember always that when you are struggling, that's when Heavenly Father wants to help you the most. Like that poem about footprints, when we look back on our life and only see one set of footprints in the sand, that's when the Savior was carrying us. Hang in there, girl, you are amazing.

Klous Family said...

I am so glad i'm not the only one struggling. Don't get me wrong, I'm sorry that you are struggling also but it makes me feel a little better to know that I am not just crazy! I love being a mommy and a wife but wow can it be tough. My parents and siblings have just started reading the Book of Mormon as a family in individual families (does that make sense??). We are trying to do it in 12 weeks. I'm sure that by me reading scriptures every day that will bring peace into my heart and into our home. Then hopefully I'll always want that so I'll keep on reading! Good luck with everything. You got some really good advice from everyone that commented and i'm taking and using it too!!
Love you lots!!!

Judy said...

I was intimidated by all the wonderful things your family & friends said, but decided to forge ahead & comment anyway. Surprisingly, it's hard for people who don't have families too -- I don't have kids but I still struggle with finding time for scriptures, temple, etc. -- you'd think a single woman could do them easily, huh? Sometimes I don't even WANT to be nice! And feeling discouraged? OH YEAH. Satan gets us good with that one. Hang in there though - you are WONDERFUL and you can bet Satan is trying to fight that. Lately I've tried listening to the Book of Mormon on CD in my car ... do you have a way to listen rather than read? MP3 or iPod, or CDs ...? Just a thought. Anyway, I sure appreciate your honest post.

Me and My Hawkes BOYZ said...

Beck's you are so great. I wish I had advice for you, but I don't... each day is a new one for me as I try to find our priorities, schedules and fighting with what I want to do vs. what I should be doing... etc. Just know that you are a fantastic mom and wife.... Your kids adore you, your husband adores you. Now go drink another diet coke and have a piece of chocolate. :)

Karla said...

Why did your write the story of MY life? Isn't this YOUR blog? Okay so maybe we struggle with the same stuff, it sounds so familiar. I am really good at making PLANS and PROGRAMS but have the hardest time to follow through with it. I have been feeling alot of the same lately, I am in a rut or a funk or something where I am NOT happy. I look around and think I should be happy, looking at all my blessings and all the wonderful people in my life, but I realized it is KARLA that is the problem. I struggle with prayer and scriptures as well. I try to pray when I am in the car (but I don't close my eyes while I am driving), or showering (like someone else said, it seems like for me to kneel in the morning, I always forget. It is normally lunch time before I remember that I forgot if that makes sense. I also just started a reading the scripture chart. I put down how many pages a day (or chapters or what not) I was going to read and then when I read them I mark it off. It is nice to see the progress, it is something I can compare it too. I also put the days on there so I mark off the day and then what I read. I thought that way I could see how often I read, even if I am not reading as much as I should be. It is such a hard thing... LIFE in general. It seems like sometimes when such WONDERFUL things happen in our lives (like new babies) somehow everything else falls apart. I also just started a special journal that I focus on my problems or the things I lack right now. I was once advised to do that when I was in a major trial in my life, and it helped to keep a special journal for just those feelings. I thought I would try it again. No earth shattering advise, all the same stuff. I know that if you find HIM, you will find you too and you will figure out how everything else fits together and works. Keep your chin up, and know you are very loved to so many!! Don't doubt your worth. Love ya!

Amy Sorensen said...

I hope you don't mind me commenting...I'm not sure if I've left a comment on your blog before or not!

But, I just wanted to say that adjusting to having two kids was THE HARDEST adjustment I ever had to make as a mom. It becomes a whole other experience when you're trying to take care of two little ones. (By the time the third one comes it's no big deal, you know!) So I *DO* think that it is OK for you to blame stuff on having a new baby. You're still adjusting. It takes time to find your new normal.

The cool thing though is that right now is a great time to shake things up. You're still adjusting so your concept of schedules and timing is flexible. It is SO HARD to fit it all in, and I am guilty of failing at it more times than not. I think as long as we keep trying it will all come out OK. Hang in there!

krista said...

Becki, I know how you feel and want you to know that I think that you are doing great! I have such a hard time (with only one child) trying to get everything done and often miss some of the important stuff. I also know that it is very easy to get frustrated when we can't do it all. Thanks for sharing! It has been so helpful to read everyone's comments and great ideas.