This is how I've been feeling lately...only I have one in the tummy too...can't tell if she does too or not!?!?!?!
Ok...I am aware that I have a TON of blessing and things to be grateful for in my life...but I am just not accepting them or enjoying them or appreciating them much lately. I'm so stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed, upset, irritated, and just down right grumpy....I don't know what to do. I mean I have a few ideas, but I'm too dang stubborn or prideful to do them and move on. I just want to dwell on things for a bit I guess and have my pity party, then I'll move on I'm sure. I just can't handle things it seems anymore.
Ok...I am aware that I have a TON of blessing and things to be grateful for in my life...but I am just not accepting them or enjoying them or appreciating them much lately. I'm so stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed, upset, irritated, and just down right grumpy....I don't know what to do. I mean I have a few ideas, but I'm too dang stubborn or prideful to do them and move on. I just want to dwell on things for a bit I guess and have my pity party, then I'll move on I'm sure. I just can't handle things it seems anymore.I mean my kids seem to drive me up the wall within the first 15 minutes of being awake in the morning...then things get ok...then it's naptime and they're BEYOND tired and I'm just as cranky...then Ryan comes home from work and I just can't handle the kids at all by that point. They don't even do anything specific...I just get annoyed...
Ryan comes home from work and I bite his head off...he loves me and accepts me and tries to put up with it, but I really don't know why or how he does it?? It drives me nuts that he has to work and can't stay home and help me more...but I really do appreciate all he does for our family and how he takes care of us so that I don't have to work. And I know if it was up to him he'd have his own business and own hours and lots of money...but unfortunately things aren't that way and we can't always get what we want. So here we sit...and I just have to accept and appreciate what I have.
Then I just get annoyed with people who act at times that they understand my situation and that they really do care...then something happens and it all SLAPS me in the face that they really could care less and don't really want to help in anyway...it drives me nuts. I know I have really great people around me who do care and would do anything...but for some reason those few that SLAP me in the face seem to outweigh the others.
I've struggled with this pregnancy from day one...I really hate to admit it and feel HORRIBLE about it...but I've tried to grow closer to the baby and bond and be excited and anxious to meet him and have him in our family...and yes, things have gotten better...but not completely. This was in NO WAY our plan or the way we expected things to happen...so the added stress and feelings just freak me out. I want this baby to know that I do love him...and that I will care for him like my other kids...but at the same time I feel so bad and guilty that Aysha didn't get her "baby" time...she gets so jealous and upset when I hold another baby or acknowledge another baby...what will she do when he's here CONSTANTLY!?!?! Adjust I hope!?!?!
I don't know...I'm just struggling lately I suppose...I have Aysha birthday on Nov. 24th...Thanksgiving on the 26th...Doctor appts every 2 weeks then EVERY week...Christmas shopping to get done...a house to clean and get ready for a new baby AND my mom coming to visit...a baby due Dec. 25th, but being induced the 21st hopefully...then Christmas...then New Year's...then my momma comes Jan. 5th. I am excited about all these things...but MAN...so much in ONE MONTH!?!?! I can do it right???
Ok enough venting...I just need to breathe I suppose and realize I'm a mom and a woman and I asked for all of this and I can do it...right??? It doesn't help that I've gotten this stupid depression crap with this pregnancy too, so I'm just down about EVERYTHING it seems...that's so not me. Snap out of it Becki...I wish it was that easy...just a pity party for myself...if you made it to the end...thanks for reading!!! I'm done now....
Ryan comes home from work and I bite his head off...he loves me and accepts me and tries to put up with it, but I really don't know why or how he does it?? It drives me nuts that he has to work and can't stay home and help me more...but I really do appreciate all he does for our family and how he takes care of us so that I don't have to work. And I know if it was up to him he'd have his own business and own hours and lots of money...but unfortunately things aren't that way and we can't always get what we want. So here we sit...and I just have to accept and appreciate what I have.
Then I just get annoyed with people who act at times that they understand my situation and that they really do care...then something happens and it all SLAPS me in the face that they really could care less and don't really want to help in anyway...it drives me nuts. I know I have really great people around me who do care and would do anything...but for some reason those few that SLAP me in the face seem to outweigh the others.
I've struggled with this pregnancy from day one...I really hate to admit it and feel HORRIBLE about it...but I've tried to grow closer to the baby and bond and be excited and anxious to meet him and have him in our family...and yes, things have gotten better...but not completely. This was in NO WAY our plan or the way we expected things to happen...so the added stress and feelings just freak me out. I want this baby to know that I do love him...and that I will care for him like my other kids...but at the same time I feel so bad and guilty that Aysha didn't get her "baby" time...she gets so jealous and upset when I hold another baby or acknowledge another baby...what will she do when he's here CONSTANTLY!?!?! Adjust I hope!?!?!
I don't know...I'm just struggling lately I suppose...I have Aysha birthday on Nov. 24th...Thanksgiving on the 26th...Doctor appts every 2 weeks then EVERY week...Christmas shopping to get done...a house to clean and get ready for a new baby AND my mom coming to visit...a baby due Dec. 25th, but being induced the 21st hopefully...then Christmas...then New Year's...then my momma comes Jan. 5th. I am excited about all these things...but MAN...so much in ONE MONTH!?!?! I can do it right???
Ok enough venting...I just need to breathe I suppose and realize I'm a mom and a woman and I asked for all of this and I can do it...right??? It doesn't help that I've gotten this stupid depression crap with this pregnancy too, so I'm just down about EVERYTHING it seems...that's so not me. Snap out of it Becki...I wish it was that easy...just a pity party for myself...if you made it to the end...thanks for reading!!! I'm done now....

















































