Can I vent!?!?!

This is how I've been feeling lately...only I have one in the tummy too...can't tell if she does too or not!?!?!?!

Ok...I am aware that I have a TON of blessing and things to be grateful for in my life...but I am just not accepting them or enjoying them or appreciating them much lately. I'm so stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed, upset, irritated, and just down right grumpy....I don't know what to do. I mean I have a few ideas, but I'm too dang stubborn or prideful to do them and move on. I just want to dwell on things for a bit I guess and have my pity party, then I'll move on I'm sure. I just can't handle things it seems anymore.

I mean my kids seem to drive me up the wall within the first 15 minutes of being awake in the morning...then things get ok...then it's naptime and they're BEYOND tired and I'm just as cranky...then Ryan comes home from work and I just can't handle the kids at all by that point. They don't even do anything specific...I just get annoyed...
Ryan comes home from work and I bite his head off...he loves me and accepts me and tries to put up with it, but I really don't know why or how he does it?? It drives me nuts that he has to work and can't stay home and help me more...but I really do appreciate all he does for our family and how he takes care of us so that I don't have to work. And I know if it was up to him he'd have his own business and own hours and lots of money...but unfortunately things aren't that way and we can't always get what we want. So here we sit...and I just have to accept and appreciate what I have.
Then I just get annoyed with people who act at times that they understand my situation and that they really do care...then something happens and it all SLAPS me in the face that they really could care less and don't really want to help in anyway...it drives me nuts. I know I have really great people around me who do care and would do anything...but for some reason those few that SLAP me in the face seem to outweigh the others.
I've struggled with this pregnancy from day one...I really hate to admit it and feel HORRIBLE about it...but I've tried to grow closer to the baby and bond and be excited and anxious to meet him and have him in our family...and yes, things have gotten better...but not completely. This was in NO WAY our plan or the way we expected things to happen...so the added stress and feelings just freak me out. I want this baby to know that I do love him...and that I will care for him like my other kids...but at the same time I feel so bad and guilty that Aysha didn't get her "baby" time...she gets so jealous and upset when I hold another baby or acknowledge another baby...what will she do when he's here CONSTANTLY!?!?! Adjust I hope!?!?!
I don't know...I'm just struggling lately I suppose...I have Aysha birthday on Nov. 24th...Thanksgiving on the 26th...Doctor appts every 2 weeks then EVERY week...Christmas shopping to get done...a house to clean and get ready for a new baby AND my mom coming to visit...a baby due Dec. 25th, but being induced the 21st hopefully...then Christmas...then New Year's...then my momma comes Jan. 5th. I am excited about all these things...but MAN...so much in ONE MONTH!?!?! I can do it right???
Ok enough venting...I just need to breathe I suppose and realize I'm a mom and a woman and I asked for all of this and I can do it...right??? It doesn't help that I've gotten this stupid depression crap with this pregnancy too, so I'm just down about EVERYTHING it seems...that's so not me. Snap out of it Becki...I wish it was that easy...just a pity party for myself...if you made it to the end...thanks for reading!!! I'm done now....

Halloween and some!?!?

Well I'm a bit behind...yet again. Sorry...here are some of our fun pictures from Halloween and getting ready for it!! Klous got to plant pumpkins in Grandma & Grandpa Pulham's garden this year (Ryan's grandparents)...and Grandma put his initials on one pumpkin...so this was HIS pumpkin!!!
He wanted to help Daddy carve it...but wasn't so sure about the slimy insides...
he touched them...but wasn't too excited about it...
He wouldn't do it again...just one time!!!
Aysha wanted to help too...she just played with the top!!!
And thought it felt a little funny too :)
Carving the face...
And the finished product...pretty cool when it's lit up!!!
Klous posing by it...
And Aysha too :)
Aysha's little personality has really been coming out lately...she's definitely a girl and has a LOT of drama at times...her screams and squeals are something...but the giggles, kisses, smiles, and hugs make up for it!! She's been making funny faces lately too...and it's hard to catch them on camera...so here are just some cute pictures!!

We headed to Grandma Jones' work for a little Trick-or-Treating...here are the kids with her...
We went to Daddy's work too, but didn't get any pictures...oops...here's Aysha the day of Halloween though...she wasn't too sure what to think about the costume and hat!!!
They were all pretty cute and excited though!! Klous & Zack were Spiderman and Aysha a ladybug...our friends/neighbors Summer & Seth came along with us as well. She was WonderWoman and Seth was a giraffe!! CUTE kids!!!
Here's Klous & Aysha...he didn't wear the mask for very long...he couldn't really see...but he liked his BIG muscles!!!
And knocking on the doors...they all got PLENTY of candy...we're still going through and trying to get rid of it!!! Yay for holidays huh!!!

Fall fun...

Last week I got a crazy bee in my bonnet and decided to rake up the backyard. It was quite a job, but the kids & I had fun...and when Daddy came home, he had fun too!! With the weather getting colder and winter just around the corner...we have to find something to do outside on the "somewhat decent" days!!! So here are some pictures of our adventures in the leaf pile and with the slide...Klous loved it, and I was surprised with how excited Aysha was about it as well!!! It was fun...even though it made me have contractions a bit and make the baby mad I worked so much!! Oh well...nothing happened!! Just some exercise!! Yay for me :)

Princess in the leaves :)
What cute kids huh!!

Klous like to get covered up!!
So handsome :)
I just love this face...had to share!! Those BIG eyes are amazing!!!
Oh and of course she had to taste them too :)
Klous helping Aysha down the slide!!
Jumping...

Concentrating so hard!!
Hi Mommy!!
He's getting so big :(

Mommy and the kiddos...it was a fun afternoon...and the fresh air felt nice...even though it turned our noses red!!!

8 years today...

This picture isn't from our wedding, it's actually our engagement picture...but it works. I don't have any pictures on the computer from our wedding day. Anyways...this is Ryan & I 8 years ago in August...
And this is the most recent picture I have of just us together...I guess I could've posted a family picture...but I didn't...this is us in August of 2009...I guess it works out then huh with the pictures!!!
We're celebrating our 8th anniversary today...and I really can't believe it. It's crazy to look back on the last 8 years and think of all we've done, gone through, gotten through together, and accomplished. Yes we're still working on school...no we don't have our own house yet...our family is still growing...and I would LOVE to have a higher income and not have to stress so much about money. But really...I couldn't be happier...Ryan is amazing and loves me more then anyone. He puts up with so much from me and I don't really know how or why he does it sometimes. He's given me 2 beautiful babies (and one on the way)...and I couldn't be happier. I want him to know how grateful I am for him, for all he's taught me, for his worthiness to take me to the temple, and for the chance we have to be together FOREVER. I couldn't ask for more!! I love you Babe!! :)

Happy 3rd Birthday Klous :)

Well 3 years ago today we were in the hospital like this...with a brand new baby boy...first addition to our little family...and loving him more then anything!!! What a happy little family!!!
Daddy & Klous have always had a special bond and been "buddies" from day one...I love watching them together and seeing how much fun they have when they play!!! It started from the day he was born and has only gotten better!!!
On Klous' 1st birthday he was all about helping Daddy with decorations and the "party bags"...guess that's what you do for the FIRST birthday!! Then you realize how much work parties are!!! But here's my 2 boys on the day Klous turned ONE :)
Then there was last year...that was a crazy day too. Started out fine and normal...got Klous some fish and he helped Daddy put them in the tank and get it all set up. However, after that the day just went downhill...I woke up from a nap and had major issues that day. Numbness, migraines, funky talking, no sight in my right eye, and on and on. It was scary, and I tried my best to make the rest of the day fun for Klous. However, Mommy ended up in the ER that night and found out that it was just a severe migraine and NOT a stroke...thank goodness!! Here's to hoping this year is BETTER and nothing to worry about!!!
Klous was all excited this morning and even more smiles when he realized it really IS his birthday TODAY!! He's been waiting SOOOO long...and now it's finally here. Here are my boys again...on his 3rd birthday!! I can't even say how much I love this kid and how grateful I am that he's in our family. He's such a good helper and so fun to have around. Yes we have our bad days...but when the smiles, hugs, kisses, and "I love you's" come...that really out-does the bad days!!!
Mommy LOVES YOU kiddo!! Happy birthday!!!

Teething...Constipation...One SAD girl :(

So you all know my sweet baby girl Aysha May...why when a bad night comes...does EVERYTHING have to come that night!?!?! She's been struggling with her teeth coming in on the bottom for MONTHS now...and one finally poked through, while the other is being a pain. So we had that last night...then she couldn't lay still or sleep because her tummy was so upset and not feeling good. She's stretch out her legs...squirm and wiggle like crazy...and just whine and cry :( It was so sad and yet SO annoying, because I was tired...she was up from 11-5 off and on...and it made me not so excited about another newborn. Why oh Why do all the bad days have to come together!?!?!? Let's hope and pray for a good diaper today ;) AND a GREAT naptime!!! I want my happy, smilely little girl back!! Please :)

Wonderful Hubby...Congrats Jess & Michael...and Prego Pics!!

Remember this picture...it was only about 10 months ago!! Aysha was fresh home from the hospital and we were all home together as our new little family!!! Pretty cute huh...
Then just this last week I saw the SAME layout of the picture, so had to grab the camera again!! I'm really lucky to have what I have and don't always appreciate what I do have. Especially lately...so I had to post these and say THANK YOU to my amazing hubby. He really does put up with a LOT from me...especially the last 5 months...and he loves me no less. He takes the kids when I've had too much...he gives me a hug even when I'm a NOT NICE PERSON...and he is just great. So thank you Ryan for loving me and standing by me even in our tough times. And thank you for the beautiful babies you have given me too!! I love you!!
Then this weekend Auntie Jessica (Ryan's sister) got married. It was a nice day, but the kids had been sick all week long and Ryan/I didn't feel great much either. But we did the best we could and enjoyed it as much as we could!! The kids were actually great and as well-behaved as can be expected for being in a church all day long!! It was a great ceremony/luncheon/party...bride/groom were BEAUTIFUL...and we all had a good time!! Here are just a couple pictures from the morning...because the photographers got all the other GOOD pictures!!!

My babe & kiddos...
Our family...aren't the kids looking SO happy :)
Klous, Aysha, & Zack with Michael & Jessica!!! Happy Marriage to them...they looked so happy all day!! It was cute!!
A better close up shot!!
Klous & Zack helped carry her train...it was cute...can't really tell what the picture is, but that's what they're doing :)
And the boy cousins...they were buds all day...until they had ENOUGH of each other...that wasn't til night time though!! Luckily!!!
And lastly...I probably over-did it at the wedding and all weekend...because now I'm sick and I've been in pain all weekend. But I had Ryan take some prego pics finally!! So people will stop asking!! 27 weeks and still going!! Forgot to do the glucose test yesterday...so I'll have to do it this week...but we're surviving!! Baby moves like CRAZY!!! No positive names yet...just trying to think of some cute ones!! I like Kyson, but I don't know how much Ryan likes it!?!?! Klous is still convinced on Baseball Guy...or now Football guy (since it's football season)...so we'll see ;)
We're just taking it a day at a time and can't really believe Christmas will be here so soon. In the next few months we've got Klous' birthday...our Anniversary...Aysha's birthday...Thanksgiving...baby coming...and then Christmas...so it'll be a quick end of the year I think!! I'll try to do better at posting prego pics though!!!