10 years ago...

I know everyone has been thinking about the things that happened 10 years ago...September 11, 2001 was a HORRIBLE day...but as I reflected the last couple days...I couldn't help but just cry...it was a lot that just hit me I guess??? I don't know???

For me 10 years ago was me preparing for a wedding...with my future hubby being 1300 miles away :( It wasn't easy...but in that summer...I made 2 trips to Utah, and Ryan made 2 trips to Minnesota. You know...that was BEFORE the disaster, when flying wasn't such a big deal...security wasn't so big or such a headache...your family/friends could actually GO to the gate with you and wait for your flight to board...and tickets were CHEAP!!!

Here is our engagement picture that was taken on August 13, 2001...when Ryan had flown to Minnesota to propose...And after his trip to propose...I had to go out to Utah one more time to make final plans, do the bridal shower, and of course SEE my fiance sometime before October 20, 2001. :) :) :)
So my sister and her family had planned a trip out to visit their family over Labor Day weekend...so the beginning of September...this was me as we were landing in Utah...anxious to see Ryan!!! (sorry it's a picture of a picture in my scrapbook)
I was out for a little over a week...and had to say good-bye on Sept. 9, 2001...where we waited together at the gate for the plane to board...and check out how "happy" we were...not really happy to be leaving each other, but happy knowing the next time we saw each other it would be for our WEDDING!!!
So here goes the next thoughts and events that come to mind. I got home to Minnesota late on Sept. 9th...went to work the next day (Monday)...everything normal and good. Then again to work on Tuesday morning (Sept. 11, 2001)...I was driving to deliver something at the "branch" of the bank I worked at...when I heard on the radio that a plane had crashed into a tower in New York...I didn't think much of it...until a little while later I hear that another plane hit the other tower...I was a little nervous...but again didn't think much because it was in New York...and I was in Minnesota!!! Well I got back to the department I worked at...and the radio was on...people were looking online...and that's when we heard about the Pentagon...Flight 93 into the field...and more info on the World Trade Center towers. I was beginning to get a little more freaked out...and just went home right after work...where my parents were in the living room with the t.v. on. EVERY channel had shots of what happened...picture after picture...video after video of all the events and planes flying into the buildings. It was now about 5-6 p.m in Minnesota...and there was BIG talk about "...What is happening?...What is going to happen?...WHY are there planes crashing??...Who is behind this??...What will the do to the country in weeks/months to come??..." and so on. Then I heard talk about gas/oil prices...they mentioned gas prices going as high as $12 a gallon I remembered. Well when I heard that I just cried...and cried and cried...HOW were Ryan and his family supposed to be able to afford driving from Utah to Minnesota for the wedding??? What else would happen between Sept. 11 and Oct. 20, when we were supposed to be sealed for time and all eternity. What if something worse happened and that never happened?? It was a LOT of thoughts and what-if's going through my head...it was scary. But mostly it was all thoughts about ME ME ME...and not much about the people in the actual tragedy in New York.

Well...obviously nothing more happened...Ryan and his family were able to drive to Minnesota...and we were married as planned!!!!
But over the last 10 years it's given me time each anniversary of Sept. 11th to think about all those people. The suffering, the tears, the heartaches, the trials...I just couldn't imagine.

Yesterday...(well really all weekend)...I watched some of the shows and news programs that were on remembering the events of that day. And then hearing the stories or interviews with people who survived...or the family members who are still alive WITHOUT their loved ones. And my heart hurt for them. I couldn't imagine what they've been through...and with those thoughts I began to realize what I have...and what I need to be thankful for.

First of all...my AMAZING husband...who even through all my tears and thoughts 10 years ago, calmed me down...made me realize it would be ok...and to just take things a day at a time. Well not much has changed...he still does all those things...but our love for each other has grown SO much. I could NOT do this without Ryan...I would be NOTHING without him. So even though I don't show him as much as I should...and don't tell him enough how much he means to me...I really do love him more then anything...and I thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me with such an amazing man who loves me and our kids more then we can explain!!! I love you Ryan...

And then I realize how truly blessed I am for having these 3 BEAUTIFUL children. None of them were around 10 years ago for those tragic events. But seeing their thoughts, feelings, and hearing their questions when the shows were on. I realize how important it is for Ryan & I to explain it to them. Talk it out with them, so they will know. But I think of all those kids who are without parents...or those parents who lost children...and I am SO grateful that I have 3 healthy, happy kids who keep me going...even when it is NOT easy. I wouldn't trade it for the world...and I hope they all know how truly grateful I am for them!! I love my Klous, Aysha May, and Kyson!!! My babies!!!
Anyways...this is long...and it's been a LONG time since I've blogged on here...but I've had so many thoughts the last few days...I had to put them somewhere. I am so blessed and lucky to be alive...to have the husband/kids and family that I have. The knowledge to know that we're all safe...and even when we pass on from this life...that we WILL be able to be together again. And that this life is NOT the end. Such great blessings!!!